The Purge

I throw away my kids' art. And it feels SO good. There, I said it.

I know it may sound somewhat insensitive, perhaps even a bit evil, but let's face it, parents, kids are mass producing this crap!

Yes, my wife and I are supportive and encourage our kids to explore their full creative potential. But there is only so much room on the proverbial refrigerator door and not all of those glittery Picassos are going to get a magneted spot. Yup, welcome to the real world, kid. Space constraints. Deal with it.

Once or twice I've been caught throwing away my children's artwork in the kitchen trash. "Daddy, why is my pretty-finger-painted-rainbow-pony in the garbage?" I'm not going to lie to you, that doesn't feel good. After a few sloppy encounters I developed a few ground rules, which I recommend all self-respecting parents consider when discarding their children's beloved objects:

1. Only purge once the little ones are fast asleep.

2. Dump in the outside trash can -- what they don't see can't hurt them.

3. If your kid ever asks -- deny, deny, deny.

4. Don't feel too guilty. Remember, it's your job to keep the home from turning into a kiddie-art junk yard. And if you save everything, nothing is special.

Sleep Gloating

Our first kid was a champion sleeper. From the day she turned 4 weeks old (yes, 4 WEEKS), Eva could hunker down for a night's sleep amidst jack hammering, turbulent red-eyes, earthquakes. This kid was a sleeper. In fact, she was such a good sleeper that we found it distasteful to be fully honest with other new parents about just how many hours of shut-eye we were getting a night. I remembering faking sleep-deprivation around other new parents, so we could bond. Privately, I gloated. Clearly my wife and I were simply better parents.

Two and half years later we were hoisted on our own petard – a petard named Sami Rafaela. Beneath her golden curls and cherubic smile, was a feisty non-sleeper. For her first 2 ½ years, Sami slept perfectly fine for about 1-2 hours each night – other than that she was raring to go. And she wouldn't just toss and turn either -- she was hell-bent on taking down the rest of us with her. Not to label, but kid #2 is officially a sleep terrorist.

Kid #3, Levi is still too young to label sleeper or not. Either way God knows we're not gloating anymore.